An Awful Predicament
by ShadowOfAPrincess
Summary: Sasuke breaks into Naruto's home, naked and uninvited.
1. Chapter 1: What the!

_Okay. _

_Here we are._

_Chaptah 1._

_Hope you like it._

_Disclaimer: DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FREAKING TIME?!  
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A powerful storm was raging outside.

"Mmph."

Naruto groaned and turned over in bed.

It was after two o'clock in the morning, and he'd just gotten to sleep fifteen minutes ago.

Now he wanted to sleep peacefully, but he was uncomfortably uncomfortable.

Something just didn't feel right.

And _what is that _poking sensation in his thigh?

He opened his eyes a crack and turned over, cursing the Sleep Gods as he did so.

He was instantly hit with a blast of warm, minty freshness.

_Oh. It's only Sasuke. _

He turned back around and proceeded to--waitaminit!

_SASUKE?!_

He leapt out of bed like he was on fire, managing to pull every blanket off with him and--

He narrowed his eyes.

…okay, now he was disturbed.

It was one thing Sasuke just suddenly materialized in his bed _without_ invitation, but suddenly materializing in his bed without invitation and _naked_--now that was taking things to a whole 'nother level.

Now he knew what was poking him in his thigh. Sasuke's 'little friend'. He shuddered, disgusted.

Sasuke opened his eyes and gave Naruto the copyrighted **Uchiha Glare**. "Do you _mind_?" He growled.

But Naruto couldn't be glared down that easily. He gave Sasuke one of his own glares-- **The Uzumaki Stare of Death**.

"What are you doing in my bed?!" He shouted.

Sasuke rolled his black eyes--as _if_ the answer wasn't obvious. "Sleeping--or at least I _would_ be if you'd give me back the freaking blanket!"

Naruto was pissed. How could Sasuke just barge into _his_ home, into _his_ bed, and still be so disrespectful and bastard-y?!

Answer: He couldn't.

"Get. Out. Of. My. BED!" He shouted.

Without a word, Sasuke got up and marched his naked tush out of Naruto's bedroom…but not before giving him 'the finger' on his way out.

Naruto shook with fury.

HE COULDN'T _STAND_ HIM!

He angrily hopped back into his bed, and resumed his tossing and turning.

"…"

But he still couldn't get to sleep.

***

_6:00 a.m._

_-----------_

Naruto woke with a start.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the hills and--wouldn't you know it--beamed right through his window and into his eyes, practically blinding him with its beautiful sunny glory.

Naruto hated the sun right now.

He wished he had a gun--he'd shoot it down.

He was pretty grumpy--he'd only gotten one hour of sleep--and that constant ringing he was hearing wasn't making his **Bad Day™** any better.

…where _was_ that ringing coming from anyway?!

Naruto leapt out of bed and looked around frantically. When he found whatever was making that blasted noise, he was gonna--

IT WAS THAT DARNED ALARM CLOCK!

Naruto destroyed that poor alarm clock with one look:

_Picture it! Naruto glares at the alarm clock, which suddenly stops ringing as its battery's life passes before its eyes. The alarm clock takes its last tick before it spontaneously combusts into eleventy billion pieces._

_The funeral was lovely._

Naruto padded barefoot down the hall to the kitchen. He snatched a package of beef ramen out of the cabinet and put a pot of boiling water on the stove.

He was eating his breakfast the fancy way today!

He sits on a barstool as he waits for the water to boil.

"…"

The recollections of what had happened earlier that morning suddenly came back and hit him like a pillowcase full of bricks.

_Stupid Sasuke and his Uchiha-like Uchiha-ness._

There were no words he could use to express the contempt he felt towards Sasuke at this time.

But he swore he'd find some.

The water started to boil, and Naruto dropped the brick of dry noodles into the pot.

He waited three minutes and poured them into his bowl.

And now he was going to watch some TV.

He walked into the living room slowly as to not drop his ramen, but dropped them anyway (and scalded himself) when he saw what was on his sofa.

Sasuke.

The Uchiha.

The Naked Intruder of the Night.

Naruto screamed--in pain and in anger.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open, startled awake by Naruto's sudden outburst.

"Dude, could you _be_ any louder?" He grumbled.

Naruto was _this close_ to punching Sasuke in the eye. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" He bellowed.

Sasuke stood up and stretched. "I have postvaccinal encephalitis."

Naruto had _no idea_ what postvaccinal encephalitis was…but he knew Sasuke didn't have it.

He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Plus, the power's out at my house. I couldn't stay there, so I came here."

"Sasuke, I don't care! Go home, you dumbfu--"

Sasuke, suddenly beside him, clamped his hand over Naruto's mouth. "Shhhh!" He whispered harshly into his ear.

"_Mmph?!_" That's **Muffle Speak **for "**What the--?!**"

Sasuke threw Naruto to the ground. "GET DOWN!" He shouted.

Then everything happened in slow motion:

Naruto fell to the ground, landing with a painful _thump!_ as Sasuke leapt into the air, turning three somersaults. Naruto watched in awe as something--he couldn't see what it was, as it totally defied the Law of Slow Motion--flew through the mail slot of Naruto's front door. Sasuke assumed an awesome midair stance and stealthily caught the--_thing, _blinding the readers with his Super, Naked Uchiha Glory--or SNUG, for short.

And, just like that, the action was over.

"That was a close one," Sasuke sighed. "You could've been killed by this UFW (Unidentified Flying Weapon, for those of you who didn't know)."

Naruto glanced down at the object in Sasuke's hand…

It was a newspaper.

Oh. My. God.

Here, he'd feared his life, and Sasuke had gotten worked up over a NEWSPAPER?!

Naruto wanted to stab him.

"Sasuke…that's just my mail."

Sasuke looked down at the object in his hand. "Hn," was all he said.

He couldn't believe it. Usually Naruto was the stupid one.

"Sasuke, get out of my house," Naruto commanded.

Sasuke stared at him like, "Whatever, Uzumaki. I play by my own rules."

"Get. Out. Of. My House!" Naruto yelled again.

"And what if I don't want to?" Sasuke said, walking towards Naruto. He'd activated his Sharingan.

Now that wasn't fair! He knew that scared the crap out of Naruto!

Naruto backed away from Sasuke. "!" His words jumbled together, he was so afraid.

Sasuke kept coming closer. "Stop what?" He asked in mock innocence.

Naruto was on the verge of tears. He ran in the bathroom and locked the door.

He leaned on the door for a minute, until he heard Sasuke's footsteps become faint. He heaved a sigh of relief and turned around and--

_HOLY CRAP._

Sasuke had magically appeared in the bathroom with Naruto and was now pinning him against the door.

Naruto's heart almost stopped. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look into Sasuke's eyes.

That made him a little less afraid.

He could feel Sasuke leaning closer and closer.

_WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO?!  
_

His breathing quickened as he felt something wet on his ear.

…

What the--?!

He opened one eye and peered curiously at Sasuke. His Sharingan was no longer activated.

But now Naruto was disturbed. _Why was Sasuke licking his ear?!_

_Gross._

Now Sasuke was trailing his tongue down the side of his face.

_Oh, God. _

He began to push him away, thinking Sasuke had lost his mind, when he felt something poke him in the thigh.

He looked down and--

_Holy--!!_

"Sasuke," he whispered. "There's something wrong with your…with your…"

And then he fainted.

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_Chaptah Two is coming soon to theaters near you!!_


	2. Chapter 2: Brain Injury?

_Chaptah Two! _

_Disclaimer: I have gone over this MANY times before! _

_Warning: This chaptah contains some boy-boy action. Don't say I didn't warn ya. _

_Enjoyeth! _

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"Ohhhhh…"

"Shhh, Naruto."

"But it _hurts_!"

"It'll pass."

Naruto rolled over on his side to ease the pain in the back of his head. "I hate you."

Sasuke sighed and patted Naruto's head. "You'll get over it."

Naruto pulled away from Sasuke's touch and growled.

If it weren't for him, he wouldn't be lying here in this hospital bed.

Here's what happened:

Sasuke had Naruto trapped. Cornered. Like a deer in headlights.

There was nowhere he could run.

Naruto closed his eyes and waited for Sasuke to kill him--or whatever he was gonna do.

But instead, Sasuke licked Naruto's ear.

Which was freaking gross.

Naruto thought Sasuke had lost his mind and tried to push him away, but--something stopped him.

Something long and…hard, and…warm. He looked down.

_Oh sweet Jesus. _

Shocked and disturbed, Naruto fainted…

and managed to slightly crack his skull on the edge of the sink.

Which was why he was lying here in this hospital bed now.

He hated hospitals.

The door to Naruto's room opened and Sakura walked in.

Naruto's eyes widened. "Sakura!" He cried. "What are you doing here?"

Sakura opened the file she was holding. "I'm one of the volunteer girls. How're you feeling, Naruto?"

"I've been better."

Sakura nodded understandingly and carefully read over Naruto's information. "Well, all your test results are here and…it seems you've got a small concussion."

"A _what_?"

"A jarring injury of the brain resulting in disturbance of cerebral function," Sakura explained. "Quoted directly from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary."

Naruto blinked. Like he knew what that meant.

Sakura sighed. "It's a brain injury, you doofus."

"Oh!"

"You're actually pretty lucky," said Sakura. "Concussions sometimes cause memory loss."

"They do?"

She nodded. "But when you hit your head, you earned a minor crack in your skull. Now it's nothing major, but--" She looked at the file again. "You _did_ hit your head pretty hard, so you may feel a little disoriented at times--confused is a better word, for your still-developing mind."

_Still-developing mi--WHAT WAS SHE TRYING TO SAY?!_

"So, after the nurse comes in to check on you--if everything's okay--you are free to go."

Naruto almost jumped out of bed and started dancing.

"But," She glanced over at Sasuke (who, by the way, was now fully clothed). "You're going to have to be monitored for a while."

The door opened again and Kakashi walked in, along with the nurse (now, doesn't this sound familiar?).

"How're you feeling, Naruto?" Kakashi asked him.

"Okay?" He said it like a question.

"Sakura gave me the details of your injury," Kakashi said, patting Sakura's head. "But, because of my busy schedule, I won't be able to take the job."

"Aw, crud." Naruto already knew what was coming.

"So Sasuke's going to do it for me."

Naruto stared in horror. Then he whipped his head around and looked at Sasuke.

Who had activated his Sharingan and was smiling evilly at Naruto.

Naruto fainted again.

***

_8:00 p.m._

---------------

"Will you hurry up?!" Naruto yelled. "I'm freakin' hungry!"

"Hn," was all Sasuke said.

Naruto flopped back onto the couch. He was getting tired of waiting for his dinner.

Sasuke had been cooking for two hours.

It only takes THREE MINUTES to prepare a bowl of ramen!

Naruto stared up at the ceiling. Bored, he began to count the smashed ladybugs that were stuck to the ceiling.

_1…2…3…4…5…6…_

Good Lord, there were two hundred and ninety-three of them!

Suddenly, Sasuke started screaming. "OH, HOLY SH--OMIGOD, OMIGOD!"

Naruto leapt off the couch and bolted to the kitchen.

Sasuke was standing at the stove, using a pot holder to try and put out the flames that had engulfed the entire stovetop.

"I NEED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!"

The smoke detector went off.

Naruto ran out of the kitchen and through the house frantically, in search of a fire extinguisher. All the while, he could hear Sasuke screaming "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!"

He looked in the closets, under his bed, and in the basement before he suddenly realized--

He didn't have one.

He ran back down to the kitchen and grabbed a bucket, filling it with water.

Sasuke was still fanning at the flames and screaming. Naruto rolled his eyes. _Some help he was._

He unplugged the stove--so not to electrocute himself--and threw the water on the flames.

The flames hissed and died out.

Sasuke was still standing there, fanning at the air.

Naruto snatched the pot holder from him. "What were you _doing_?!"

"Making dinner," Sasuke answered dumbly.

Naruto wanted to hit him. He looked in the pot.

The noodles were burnt to a crisp. He looked in the garbage can.

It was halfway filled with burnt noodles.

He looked at Sasuke.

Who was just standing there with the pot of burnt noodles, smiling dumbly.

Naruto wanted to pound him.

How could every female in Konoha be so obsessed with _this guy_?

He would never know.

"Move out of the way," Naruto commanded. "I'll make dinner."

Sasuke shrugged and went to the living room. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

Naruto rolled his eyes. He went to the sink and dumped the burnt noodles down the garbage disposal. Then he grabbed two cups of instant ramen out of the cupboard, filled them with the correct amount of water and stuck them in the microwave.

And he waited.

When the microwave beeped finished, he grabbed the ramen and two forks, and went to the living room.

"Here," he said to Sasuke. "It's got shrimp in it."

In reply, Sasuke snored.

How could he fall asleep _so fast_?!

Naruto rolled his eyes and flopped down on the couch and ate both cups of ramen.

When he was finished, he glanced over at Sasuke. His hair hung down over his closed eyes, his eyelashes toughing his cheeks just gently. His face was flushed slightly.

He was even drooling a little.

Naruto almost smiled at how peaceful Sasuke looked. He went to the closet and got a blanket to cover him with. But when he got back to the living room, Sasuke was no longer asleep.

In fact, he wasn't even on the couch.

He turned around to go look for him and screamed.

Sasuke was standing right behind him, his eyes glazed over.

_Sonofamother!!_

Naruto tried to back away, but Sasuke pushed him down on the couch.

"Sasuke--?!"

"Shhhh."

Sasuke slowly climbed on top of Naruto.

Naruto tried to push him off. "Get away from me, you bas--"

He was silenced by Sasuke suddenly mashing their lips together.

…

It took Naruto nineteen seconds to realize what was happening. He struggled to get away from Sasuke but boy, was he strong.

In a desperate attempt to escape, Naruto karate-chopped the back of Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke fell to the floor, unconscious.

Or so Naruto thought. He hoped he didn't kill him.

Naruto leapt off the couch and ran to his room, locking the door behind him. He sat on his bed and tried to calm himself down.

_What's wrong with Sasuke?_

He glanced over at the mirror next to his closet and noticed a faint blush across his cheeks. He sighed and put his head on his knees.

_What's wrong with me?_

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_Chapter Three will be posted soon…_

_maybe…_

_eventually…_

_hmm._

_Hope you liked it!_


	3. Chapter 3: It must be the food

_Welcome to…_

_Chaptah Three! *Superman theme plays…*_

_Enjoyeth! _

_Disclaimer: As told in all my previous chaptahs. _

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Naruto opened his eyes and was instantly blinded by the sun streaking through the window. He was still sitting with his knees to his chest, his back against the headboard of his bed. He stretched his legs, wincing slightly at the pain from his legs lying dormant in such an uncomfortable position for an extended period of time. Squinting, he pulled the curtains shut and then lay back down.

Then he looked at the clock. 7:28a.m., it read.

He was supposed to be training right now.

Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed and slowly got dressed in an oversized black t-shirt, blue jeans and his favorite white sneakers.

He started out the door and then stopped suddenly, glancing back at his dresser. He went back and grabbed his lucky charm--a Spongebob headband that said, "I'm Ready!" across the forehead.

Only he could wear that headband without being made fun of.

He took one last look in the mirror and smiled. "Now I'm ready!" He said to no one in particular. "Believe it!"

Then he heard a crash in the kitchen and groaned.

He forgot that _he_ was here.

He tiptoed down the hall and peered around the corner. There was a faint blush across his cheeks as he recalled last night's…um, _activities. _

Sasuke was cleaning up the remains of a glass he had just shattered oh-so cruelly.

The poor glass never had a chance.

Naruto sniffed the air. His inner fox (ha!) easily made out the delicious smells of blueberry waffles, bacon, potatoes, cinnamon toast and scrambled eggs.

He even detected a hint of citrus.

His mouth started to water. He was _so _hungry--not being able to eat dinner last night and all.

Sasuke suddenly turned around, sensing Naruto's presence with his **Super Terrific Uchiha Ninja Skillz™**.

Or…maybe it was just that Naruto was breathing too loud.

Naruto suddenly realized that Sasuke was watching him, and turned to run. But he stopped when Sasuke asked him, "Aren't you gonna eat?"

Everyone knows Naruto can't turn down food.

Suspicious, he turned and walked into the kitchen, his eyes never leaving Sasuke's face.

Sasuke just stood there, smiling warmly.

That only made Naruto more suspicious. _Uchihas don't smile 'warmly'! This must be a trap! He probably poisoned my food--or put some kind of date-rape drug in it._

Naruto could only wonder.

Sasuke waited until Naruto sat down and cautiously walked to the table. Naruto watched him through narrowed eyes. Sasuke sat down and started piling food on his plate. He watched as Naruto did…nothing.

"Why aren't you eating?"

Naruto didn't answer. Instead, he also put food on his plate. He raised a forkful of eggs to his nose and sniffed it before shoving it into his mouth.

And he chewed slowly.

Sasuke laughed. "I didn't poison your food, okay?"

Naruto gasped and the eggs in his mouth fell back onto the plate. "You read my thoughts?!"

"No, it's written all over your face."

Naruto frowned and stuffed a waffle, whole, into his mouth.

He chewed very slowly as he watched Sasuke still. The food was actually pretty good, but he wasn't about to tell that to Sas--

"Wait a minute!" Naruto suddenly shouted. "How are you able to cook _all this_, but almost burn the house down cooking _ramen_?!"

Sasuke shrugged. Even _he_ didn't know the answer to that one.

Naruto stared at Sasuke for a minute. Then, all of a sudden, he started laughing. "You loser!"

Sasuke looked up from his food. Naruto was laughing. Laughing! The first time in days!

This surprised him. He gave himself a pat on the back. Screwing up was now a good thing.

Naruto tried to stop laughing. He wanted to be mad at Sasuke, but he couldn't. Usually, _he_ was the stupid one.

Had he and Sasuke somehow switched personalities?

Answer: No--this is just for story purposes.

Naruto eventually stopped laughing. Sasuke stared at him, smiling like an idiot.

This made Naruto stiffen. "What?" He asked, uneasy.

"Nothing." Sasuke started to clear the table.

Naruto sat in silence and watched him.

Sasuke wasn't wearing a shirt. Naruto stared at his back as he washed the dishes. Then at his chest as he put them away. He started to imagine that--

No, no, he didn't imagine that!! He shook the thought out of his head.

But another one slipped in there, against his will. He blushed furiously.

Sasuke glanced at Naruto and smirked. "What are you thinking about?"

Naruto frowned at him. "Nothing!" He snapped.

"Hn."

Naruto sighed and got up from the table. He went into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Forget about training. He could afford to miss one day.

Besides, he was still recovering from a brain injury.

He turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. Spongebob was on, so he decided to watch that.

Sasuke eventually came in and sat beside him. "This show is so stupid," he grumbled as he watched Frankendoodle smash a rock on Patrick's head.

"Hey, you don't have to watch it," Naruto said.

"Hn." Sasuke lay down on Naruto's lap.

Every muscle in Naruto's body tensed. "Get off me!" He squeaked. He started to push Sasuke away.

But then he looked down. Sasuke was staring up as Naruto with Big Doe Eyes. He blushed.

He was a sucker for Big Doe Eyes, regardless of whether a guy or girl was making them.

He left Sasuke alone and tried to watch Spongebob--unsuccessfully, of course.

After ten minutes of 'watching TV', Naruto heard a faint snore and looked down at Sasuke.

He was asleep.

He smiled, unconsciously. Sasuke looked so peaceful.

Didn't he just go through this a couple of days ago…?

He couldn't remember, but it felt like déjà vu.

Raising his hand slightly, he gently brushed the loose strands of hair from Sasuke's eyes.

_His eyelashes are so long. _

He traced the contours of Sasuke's face. His skin was soft beneath his fingertips. He traced down the Side of Sasuke's face to his neck, then his collarbone…

He stopped when he reached his chest. He blushed as he remembered last night.

_Sasuke…kissed me._

He suddenly has this crazy impulse. He slowly leaded down, closer and closer to Sasuke, until…

------------

_Ha ha ha! I know I shouldn't have done this, but--_

_Chaptah three has ended, and chaptah four is on its way!_

_Hope you liked it!_


	4. Chapter 4: Talk about awkward

_It's finally here--chaptah four. _

_Please don't be angry with me. I've been…very busy._

_Hope you enjoy._

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"What are you doing?"

Naruto's eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. "N--Nothing," he stammered. "I--I just…nothing."

Sasuke looked at Naruto for a long time. Naruto began to itch--he felt a little uncomfortable under Sasuke's penetrable gaze.

Then, Sasuke stood up and walked away.

Naruto was relieved. _What _was _I doing? _He thought to himself.

Sasuke returned a few minutes later, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Naruto stared into oblivion.

"Are you okay?" Sasuke asked him.

At the sound of Sasuke's voice, Naruto turned and stared.

_Sasuke's chest is so…manly._

"NARUTO."

"H--Huh?!"

"How long are you gonna sit there staring at my beautiful yet manly chest?"

Naruto almost choked on his tongue. "I--I was _not _staring!" He stuttered. "I was simply…um…"

"Staring?"

"YEAH! Wait---I mean NO!"

Sasuke laughed.

Naruto blushed furiously. He mumbled something under his breath about Sasuke being a trifling little son of a--

"I'm going to take a shower," Sasuke said, interrupting his thoughts. A devilish smile played on his lips. "Wanna join me?" He added.

Naruto was flabbergasted. "Take a--with…_you_?!"

"Yes."  
"Surely you josh."

Sasuke just smiled. "I promise to behave. And I'll keep my towel on."

Naruto just stared at him. It was official: Sasuke was an idiot.

"Why would I want to take a _shower_--something I usually reserve for myself during times that I feel I deserve and would like a little peace and tranquility--with _you_?" He snapped.

"I'd just like a little company," Sasuke replied. "That's all."

"NO."

Sasuke made **Big Doe Eyes™ **at Naruto. Naruto groaned, unable to resist.

He was a sucker for **Big Doe Eyes™**.

"Okay, okay," He whined. "But you'd better keep your towel on!"

***

"My God, Naruto. Your hair's so dirty, the shampoo won't even lather!"

"Shut up and scrub."

Sasuke reached down and grabbed the shampoo bottle. He poured a generous amount of Mademoiselle Beaurégard's Peach-Mango-and-a-Hint-of-Strawberry-and-Vanilla-scented shampoo into Naruto's hair and scrubbed like there was no tomorrow. The soap lathered just a little.

"When was the last time you washed your hair?"

"The last time I went swimming."

Sasuke's right eye twitched. "And…when was _that_?"

"Last summer."

Sasuke leapt away from Naruto like he was a roach on fire. But since he was in the shower, there wasn't really enough room for him to leap. He slipped and fell backwards, shifting his body a little so that he wouldn't crack his skull on the edge of the tub. He slid forward, accidentally kicking Naruto's feet from underneath him.

"ARGH!" Naruto yelled as he fell backwards on top of Sasuke.

Sasuke gasped as he got the wind knocked completely out of him.

"Idiot," Naruto mumbled as he sat up. "That hurt."

"Not as much as it hurt me," Sasuke gasped, inhaling deeply.

The two sat like that for a few minutes, warm water showering down on them like rain.

Sasuke stared vacantly at Naruto's back. Then he smiled evilly as impure thoughts about what he could do to poor, helpless little Naruto flooded his uncouth little brain and--

Sasuke's smile spread throughout his entire body, making his…_manly parts…_stand at attention.

Naruto felt this little sensation in his butt (because he was still sitting on Sasuke's manly lap) and leapt into the air. "What the--"

But he didn't have time to finish the sentence before Sasuke pulled him back down onto his lap. He held Naruto extremely close--so close, Naruto could practically see his brain through his eyes.

"I like you," he murmured into Naruto's ear, sending little chills up his spine.

"W--What?!" Naruto exclaimed. His entire body was red as a tomato. "L--Let me go, you fool!"

Sasuke brought his face closer and closer to Naruto's, until their lips practically touched.

**Extreme Proximity Limit has been breached! **

Naruto panicked. _What should I do?!_

He didn't have to think for long. Sasuke let go of him and stood up. He looked down at Naruto--poor, defenseless, bamboozled Naruto--and chortled.

Wait, no--_chuckled_ is a better word.

"You were so scared," he teased. "You big baby. You sorry, sorry loser, you."

Then he stepped out of the shower and walked away, leaving Naruto alone and confused under the now cold water.

------------

_Yes, I know. Another cliffhanger._

_I don't know why, but…I get a strange kind of happiness from leaving my stories hangin' off a cliff._

_Makes 'em suspenseful. And a little more enjoyable. Oh, well. _

_Hope you liked it! Feel free to review! And don't flame, please. Because if you do,_

**I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, STRIP YOU NAKED, COVER YOU IN LIGHTER FLUID, AND SET **_**YOU **_**AFLAME. **

_Thank you for your patronage! _


	5. Chapter 5: Random, much?

_Ha-HA! Here's what you all have been waiting for!_

_Dear readers, I happily present to you…drumroll please…THE FIFTH CHAPTER OF 'An Awful Predicament'!!!_

_Amazing right?! It's fan-freakin'-TASTIC!!!_

_I hope you enjoy…!_

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Naruto sat up in bed and looked around his room. He was a little groggy with sleep…or lack thereof.

The remnants of last night's activities with Sasuke swarmed through his mind like thirty thousand honeybees, and not even in his sleep could he get those peculiar thoughts out of his poor, confused little head. He remembered how, by doing even the littlest things, Sasuke had gotten him very worked up. He blushed, partially embarrassed.

Was he feeling something towards Sasuke? And if so, what was it?

A loud snore erupted down the hall and Naruto jumped, startled. Then he relaxed, remembering that Sasuke was still shacking up in his quaint little home.

Only now, it wasn't so quaint. It was more like just plain _strange_.

Naruto lay back down in bed and stared up at the ceiling. He began to fantasize about Sakura to try and get his thoughts off of Sasuke.

He thought about Sakura in a bikini.

He thought about Sakura in a bikini and covered in ramen broth.

He thought about Sakura in a bikini, covered in ramen broth and erotically licking a meat stick.

…A really _big _meat stick.

He quickly reached for the box of Kleenex as a huge stream of blood gushed out of his nose. He wiped the blood away from his face, then his shirt, then groaning when he realized that it even got on his pants.

"I'm hungry."

Naruto gasped at the sound of Sasuke's emotionless voice; his head whipped around so fast you could hear his bones crack. Sasuke was standing in the doorway of Naruto's room, wearing bunk pajamas and clutching a teddy bear under his right arm.

Naruto had many questions to ask Sasuke, but the first was, "Why are you wearing _bunny pajamas_?"

"For story purposes," Sasuke immediately replied.

Naruto scratched his head, clearly not understanding what the heck Sasuke was talking about.

"What's for breakfast?" Sasuke asked.

"Whatever you cook," Naruto replied.

Sasuke's eyes widened. "You want _me_ to cook?"

"Yeah, it's cool." Naruto grinned crookedly. "Just as long as it's not ramen," he quickly added to his statement.

Sasuke grinned broadly, eyes shining like a five-year-old kid on Christmas day. "I'LL MAKE A FEAST!" He yelled loudly, dashing towards the kitchen.

Naruto just stared after him, shocked as ever. When had Sasuke become so…infantile?

Within minutes, Sasuke called Naruto to the kitchen. Apparently, the food was ready. Naruto trudged weakly down to the kitchen. Sasuke stood in front of the stove, smiling. Naruto sat down at the table, marveling at the glorious feast laid out before him.

"Let's eat," he said, grinning at Sasuke.

***

Meanwhile…

Neji and Hinata were out shopping for Christmas trees--though no one knew why, or even questioned, since it was the middle of August. They walked into Trish's Trusty Tree Trove, glancing around and admiring the lovely pines set out before them.

Rock Lee trailed not too far behind them. He was Neji's personal lackey for the day--he didn't mind it too much, though.

"What about this tree, Hinata?" Neji asked, pointing to a tall, skinny pine. Hinata shook her head. "Too thin. What about that one, over there?"

Neji glanced at the tree. It would have been perfect--if not for the fact that it was MISSING ITS NEEDLES.

"Hinata, are you _blind_? That tree is naked!"

"S--Sorry," Hinata whispered. "What about that one, then?" She asked, pointing to a very, very small tree in the corner, a red ornament hanging from its top branch. The tree was so small and light that it had to be placed on two small wooden planks to hold it up. The tag on it read 'Take me--I'm free!'

"What do I look like--freakin' Charlie Brown?!" Neji bellowed.

"S--Sorry!" Hinata squealed. "Why don't you pick, then?"  
Neji walked around the shop, inspecting every tree. His pale eyes brightened when he caught sight of the beautiful, huge, healthy-looking tree in the far right corner. It was perfectly green, with no needles missing, and it was just the right size.

"I want _that_ one," he said bluntly.

Hinata agreed. "Okay, go get it."

Lee suddenly materialized in front of Hinata, causing her to shriek from surprise. "You are kidding, right, Miss Hinata?! Surely you don't expect _Neji_-sama to pick up the tree! He is a busy, busy man! He cannot sully his hands with the responsibility and concern of performing such a very disgraceful and inappropriate act as this!"

"Yeah," Neji agreed. "What he said."  
Lee walked over to the tree and effortlessly hefted it up and over his shoulder. "Um…Neji-sama…? You _do _know that this tree costs a hundred and thirty dollars, right?"

"And I am concerned about that because…?"

"Just making sure you knew." Lee walked up to the counter and paid for the tree, earning a complimentary pine-shaped car freshener in return. Playfully, he hung it on Hinata's ear.

"Alright," Neji said. "Let's go home and eat some s'mores."

***

Naruto leaned back in his chair and sighed happily, patting his stomach. "That was great," he said. "I wish I could eat it all over again."

"Glad you liked it," Sasuke replied, clearing the dishes from the table. Naruto watched him as he did so (déjà vu?), noting that Sasuke kind of acted like a housewife, or something of the like. Unintentionally, he began to daydream about Sasuke bustling around the kitchen in a butler's uniform, fixing Naruto whatever he wanted and tending to all his worldly desires:

"_Fetch me some fruit, Sasuke."_

"_Yes, Naruto-sama."_

"_Feed me, Sasuke."_

"_Yes, Naruto-sama."_

"_Pleasure me, Sasuke."_

_In one swift motion, Sasuke whips off his shirt and pushes Naruto to the floor. "Yes, Naruto-sama…"_

Blood gushes violently from Naruto's nose and onto the table. He quickly runs out of the room, in search of a towel.

When he returns to the kitchen, Sasuke has cleaned up and is waiting for him. "What perverted thought were you thinking _this_ time?"

Naruto doesn't answer. Instead, he sits back down and makes a point of not looking at Sasuke.

Without warning, Sasuke whips off his shirt and shoves Naruto to the floor. He straddles his waist and smirks, a devilish gleam in his eye.

"Did your little daydream go something like this?" He asked, tauntingly. Naruto shook his head violently.

Sasuke leaned down and nibbled Naruto's earlobe. Naruto tried unsuccessfully not to flinch. "How about this?" Sasuke murmured into his ear.

"N--No," Naruto said, cursing himself for the involuntary stutter.

"No?" Sasuke repeated. "Then why don't you show me?" Then he leaned down and kissed Naruto full on the mouth.

Impure thoughts began to run through Naruto's head. Then blood gushed from his nose once again, and he suddenly blacked out.

-----------------

_HOW DID YOU LIKE IT?! _

_I know it's kind of short, and it took me a awhile to write it, but THERE IT IS! _

_Chaptah six is in progress!_


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